One day in reflection I realized I had fallen into a habitual thought pattern, believing I wanted a particular thing in a very particular way – and had dearly desired it for years to the point of distracting myself to misery whenever I saw it elsewhere, but not for me. Upon further examination I found that not only had the time for that particular thing in that particular way passed years prior…I no longer even truly wanted it. Something that had been on my top 10 list, an idea of intense focus and emotion… What happened?
I had fallen in love with the idea of a feeling and what would produce that feeling without realizing over several decades my values, life plan, personal beliefs; and what I really wanted at this time of my life had so markedly changed that the object of my focus not only would not have resulted in realizing that feeling, I would likely be unhappy with it.
Habitual thought patterns can be a driving force in one’s life. I’m glad I took the time to reflect. It caused me to reassess that which is really important, and discover my true motivators in my life now. What gets me excited to get up in the morning? I discovered it is now something entirely different.